If Only
by awesomelydivergent
Summary: Regret and guilt are two of the worst emotions for a person to go through. But I deserve it, something I could've avoided. I was hurting, and missing everyone. But instead of confrontation, I bottled up my feelings, hurting me and everyone else. But especially him. "Beck."


**AN: Honestly this idea just popped in my head, and so I ask you this. Should I continue it or not? Tell me if it's that bad, in the reviews. I want to know. Btw, this is the Prologue AND chapter 1 together. **

**ANyWaY rEaD oN FeLlOw rEadERs**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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_"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down."_

_-Mary Pickford_

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**Prologue**

Just as everyone had predicted, Tori made it big in the music industry. What was surprising, was the fact, that she left for her tour straight out of high school, without a second hesitation, the last time she would see her closest friends in months. Months turned into years, and her mind drifted to the possibilities of reconciling more often than she would admit. It always ended in lonely nights, staring out her large balcony in her lavish apartment in New York City.

Never had Tori thought it would be her to leave everyone in the dust, but she was hurting as well. Senior year had done more than damage her, and grasping onto any chance of leaving LA seemed to be the most inviting option. So when Columbia Records wanted to sign her on, she acted as if she was happy, ecstatic even. Sure, it had always been her dream to be a popstar, to perform for millions of adoring fans, but not this way.

She couldn't change history, so when she left the Golden Coast to head to East, she felt a part of her heart being ripped out. She had grown up in LA, made countless memories and friends there. Her first words. Her first steps. Her first love, getting into Hollywood Arts, and all the crazy adventures she and the gang embarked on. There would always be tears when anything of her past was mentioned.

Most people would do anything for their fifteen minutes of fame, let alone becoming a worldwide recognized singer-songwriter. No matter how much she tried, the guilt always consumed her when her mind remembered her crazy redhead best friend, the boy with the rude puppet, the frenemy with an obsession for scissors, and her musical prodigy best friend. Perhaps that is why she regrets not saying goodbye.

Especially to him.

"Beck."

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What used to be her home, the only home to her, now loomed on her with impending doom and sadness. She hadn't kept contact with any of her five friends, and it was so clearly her fault, how she would ignore all their pleading text messages and phone calls. It wasn't like it was a breeze for her, she wanted nothing more than to pick up her cellphone whenever she saw his number pop up.

But she couldn't.

And internally, she felt herself dying.

On stage, she was the shining Tori Vega, the idol that all girls looked up to. Her perfect cheekbones, her honey-voice, it was what made her famous.

And she hated it.

She only had fans for her physical appearance, and her talent in singing along to a song she wrote. No one knew her first-hand, it had been years since she's had a friend like the ones she had in high school. Her sister was no help, she learned soon after that Trina was only in it for the money. Of course, she spoke with Holly and David Vega, her parents weren't always there for her, but it seemed too cruel to give them up like that.

The idea of going having a concert in LA didn't seem like such a bad idea at first, a chance to see what everyone else was up to. But now she was dreading it. Every minute her cab closed in on her parent's house for their planned visit, she felt like jumping out of the window of the moving vehicle, and hiding in the nearest hole. A thin sheen of sweat coated her as she thought of all the possibilities. Her family rejected her. Running into her old friends. Tori was berating herself mentally, disappointed in her desperation. She had to do this.

She had to confront her past.

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Her parents beautiful villa still remained the same after all those years, and Tori was able to walk onto her front porch- the familiarity of the stone floor, the lonely bench, and the many plants was overwhelming. She was barely able to knock on the door without melting into a puddle. Holly embraced her in a bone-crushing hug- which was expected for not seeing her daughter in ages.

"I missed you too mom."

David was next, not nearly as clingy as her mother, but enough to hint at the fact that it wasn't considerate of Tori to disappear to the other side of the country like that- leaving behind all her loved ones.

What was most surprising, almost causing her a heart attack, was a bear hug from her one-year older sister, Trina Vega. The once diva's personality had toned down over the years, after learning that she couldn't depend on her parents for money, and that budgeting was very important.

Her once dazzling fashion style, was no longer recognizable, as she was dressed in a simple light blue blouse, and black corduroy pants, underneath simple black ballet flats. Her look was a professional one, her hair pulled into a bun, and her bangs framing her face.

She was mad at her sister, but withheld it, since she was also at fault. Tori never intended on forgetting Trina, but with Tori's new stardom, the older sister made a bad first impression by using Tori's money to her advantage. She's learned since then, more about life than she ever could in any school.

More shock registered on Tori's face, as her jaw dropped at the sight of Sinjin in her house, looking more out of place then ever. She then realized on how much she missed when she spotted the modest wedding ring on both of their hands, as they both stood to the side after Trina's fierce hug.

They all made their way inside to the living room, and sat on the plush red sofas. Tori let out a sigh, and let her true feelings be seen, tears streaming down famous, ruining her once perfect makeup.

"I missed so much."

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